- Having an affair is not even on your radar. Never gonna happen. You are committed to your partner and you'd never be unfaithful to her or him. However, you may be unaware of other ways you are being disrespectful and yes,unfaithful. If these actions continue, you may find yourself on the slippery slope that leads to that never-intended affair and a sorrow you never wanted in your life.Unfaithfulness usually creeps in through the back door, disguising itself as harmless fun or innocent behavior. If you want your relationship to endure and be filled with happiness you may need to check this list to see if you have fallen prey to any of these unfaithful behaviors.
1. Flirting
Having a little playful fun at the office with a co-worker can't be too bad, you may rationalize. After all, flirting is fun. Avoid it like the plague. It's dangerous. If someone flirts with you, ignore it. What falls into the category of flirting? Here's one explanation of what flirting is. "[It] usually involves speaking and behaving in a way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship between the parties would justify, though within the rules of social etiquette, which generally disapproves of a direct expression of sexual interest. This may be accomplished by communicating a sense of playfulness or irony... Body language can include flicking the hair, eye contact, brief touching, etc."People in relationships should never engage in this type of behavior with anyone other than their partner. It is a full-on form of unfaithfulness that leads to no good. The one you're flirting with may take it as an invitation and pursue a relationship you never intended.2. Confiding in the opposite gender
When you pour out your troubles to someone of the opposite gender you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position. It may seem harmless. After all, you just needed a shoulder to cry on. If you've got a problem, talk about it with your spouse. That's your best-ever shoulder to cry on. If that's not working for you, try a trusted relative, clergyman, or therapist. Not someone who may consider this an invitation for intimacy. Even if it doesn't start that way, too often it ends that way. It's a form of unfaithfulness.3. Spending time alone with someone else
What appears to be an innocent lunch out with someone of the opposite sex or stopping by for a chat at that someone's home without your spouse is definitely in the category of unfaithful behavior. You or the other person may say, "Hey, we're both adults. Nothing's going to happen." Well, things do happen. It's not appropriate. Go home and spend that time with your spouse.4. Talking negatively about your mate
When you are a true friend to someone you never say bad things about them to others. Your mate is your best friend and is the last person you should ever talk about negatively. If you have a beef with your honey, talk it out with him or her. Let your conversations with others focus on the good things about your spouse. That's being faithful.5. Chatting on the Internet with someone of the opposite sex
If you think this is harmless, think again. It may start out that way, but it definitely won't end that way. Some have engaged in what they considered innocent talk with a former boyfriend or girlfriend from high school or college days, or even a stranger. One thing can lead to another and before you know it, your relationship / marriage- is in jeopardy. Don't do it. It will only end in sorrow and heartbreak for your family.
6. Dressing to attract the attention of someone other than your spouse
If you're dressing up to look good for someone else, you need to reexamine your motives. Trying to attract someone else by wearing a sexy looking outfit is one more way to jump into unfaithful waters.7. Writing personal intimate notes or letters to someone else
If you're writing a letter of condolence or congratulations, or other good wishes, let it be from both you and your spouse. Then there will be no misunderstanding about your intentions.- Check yourself on these points and make sure you are being 100 percent faithful to your spouse. By doing this you will create a genuinely happy and fulfilling relationshp.
Where to draw the line
Is your work flirting crossing the line? Reeder outlines some questions to ask yourself:
• Would you behave the same way if your romantic partner friends were standing next to you?
• Are your flirtations consistent with the way you normally behave?
• Are you thinking about your "work flirt interest" while not at work?
• Do you compare your "work spouse" to your real romantic partner?
* Would you act the same if your "work flirt interest" romantic partner was there?
As flirting can include physical contact, even though the intent is innocent, it is wise to keep
in mind how such behavior might be misinterpreted by some people.
BOTTOM LINE:
Your outside interest will weaken your relationship. You may justify what you're doing by telling yourself that it has a positive effect on your work life because it boosts your mood. But what you refer to as a mood boost is actually an ego trip. Imagine that you and your mate are allotted just enough food to feed yourselves, but before you divide it up, you skim off a significant portion of some of the best food and squirrel it away for yourself. You justify this by telling yourself that you need this extra food to keep yourself feeling good, which benefits your relationship. Then, when your unionstarts to show signs of malnutrition, you blame your mate.
What you're doing with your flirt buddy is no different. In a relationship, you're supposed to share your resources with your partner. But you're secretly diverting away the best of what you have to offer and lavishing it on yourself. Why? Because you think you deserve more than everyone else. Face it: Your ego is the problem.
Your partner is at a competitive disadvantage. Comparing your partner to your flirt buddy isn't fair. Out of the three of you, your partner is the only one who does not realize there's a competition going on. Remember when the two of you mutually decided to stop shopping around and commit to each other? Your partner took you at your word. But now you're secretly playing by a different set of rules. You're out there sizing up melons and squeezing the Charmin. They arenot comparing you to others who are sending her flirty signals; they are focused on you. If you're really interested in having a union that is satisfying, you have to play by the same rules. Otherwise, your relationship is fundamentally unfair.
So, if you currently have a flirt buddy, what should you do? I'm glad you asked. The answer is really very simple. You need to decide if you (a) want to be ina union, or (b) want to be single. In case that's not clear enough, let me dumb it down a little further: you need to either (a) break it off with your flirt buddy, or (b) lose them.
Obviously, option (a) is the simplest way to go. All it requires is that you make the choice not to take your energy and put it into outside intrigues. And this really is a choice. Just as your partner chooses not to be open to others' advances when they come across them in their daily life, so can you.
Then, take all that chemistry that you've been channeling to your flirt buddy and reroute it back to its rightful owner: your partner. Buy into your relationship enough to develop inside jokes within. Be into your mate to the point that you send them flirty texts when you're apart. Value spending time with them enough to justify having lunch during the week rather than just seeing them when you both get "free time" at the end of a long day. And when you have the opportunity to do any of these things with a potential new flirt buddy, don't.
If you are convinced that your partner is part of the problem (or even the entire problem) and it's not simply a matter of choosing to feed your union rather than feeding an outside intrigue, then in addition to pulling the plug on your outside interest, you should power up some honest and constructive communication with your mate about what's wrong with your relationship. If your efforts to improve your union fail, that doesn't justify picking up where your left off with your flirt buddy; it means you either keep trying until you either succeed or conclude that your relationship is not fixable, at which point you should proceed with ending it.
No comments:
Post a Comment